Currently Listening Give Up By The Postal Service see related

Wow, seven months have gone by!

Currently Listening Chroma By Cartel Minstrel's Prayer see related

Just out of curiosity, I thought that I would update this thing.  You know, see how many people are like, "Dude, NO WAY!!!

Are you ready?

I am counting...

Life = crazy!  I got accepted at Northwestern in St. Paul this week, but I am still waiting for Moody to get back to me.  That is the kicker, because I think that that is REALLY where God want's me to be.  He's in control, it's just kinda hard to wait.  I have a feeling that things are going to start rolling within the next couple of weeks or so though.  Praise God!

Friendships have been weird lately.  I am hanging out with so many people that I have neevr talked to before this year, and so many other people whom I DO usually hang with I no longer have the time for.  I think that God is tryign to tell me that I need to be less structured in my relationships, and just let Him take me along for the wild ride.  It's quite amazing the people you meet when God is leading you!

That is about it.

ILOVEYOU...

Currently Listening At War with the Mystics By The Flaming Lips Yeah Yeah Yeah Song see related

Why is it impossible for a guy to be nice to girls without practically EVERYONE thinking that they are dating?  I mean, seriously, respect is a concept that is lost on more than a few guys, and it seems like the world discourages them from ever finding it by setting up this dumb system.  Ahhh, I LOVE the drama of highschool!

I got a haircut today based upon the not-so-gentle reccomendation of my boss ("Get a haircut, you look ridiculous!") and also my own desire to grow it out NEATLY instead of in a ridiculous mat of mullety-ness.  It's really funny how the sides and back always grow way faster than the top, because it kinda encourages ugly 80's hairstyles.  Yep.  I think that it looks good now, so thta is all that matters.  That's about it!  Much love guys!

Currently Listening:  I Love your Existence  by Goot

(Hooray for artists too obscure for Xanga to recognize...)

This almost seems like a continuation of the last post, (I know that the cause at least in part is the same), but I have no concept of feelings and emotions any more. I totally feel like I am living in this world where no matter what I feel, It is going to be wrong or inappropriate, and I have very little conception as to what is actually good in life any more. I know that I am on this earth because God has a specific purpose for me, and that in working to achieve that purpose I am glorifying the one that I love more than anything, but other than that I am SO lost.

I am not even sure how this all happened... Have you ever had something in your life, whether it be a person or some intangible principle/ idea, that makes you question everything about yourself just by the light it sheds upon your actions and deeds? I definitely do, and it is really frustrating! To make my explanation easier, I am going to talk about "it" as a person, but please don't try to read into the situation unless I have already told you what is going on!

It's so hard to know when I am right and when they are, and when both of us are because it doesn't matter either way. I feel like everything that I do, say, or think is wrong in their eyes, and it hurts, because I am trying so hard to live a life that is right and pleasing to God. I know that I need to be focusing on what God wants, but I also know that He places people and events in our lives to point out things that we need to change. I really (as I believe is right and healthy) value their opinions.

It's funny, because as I was writing this, I got a phone call from my dad, whom I haven't talked to in quite a while, and he cleared up part of this problem for me. He said that "Your feelings are never wrong, but how you react and respond to them can be." I had never really thought about it that way. I tend to think that what I am feeling is wrong whenever an opinion to the contrary of the feeling is presented to me. Feelings CAN'T be wrong. They are an unconscious response to the world around. How in the world can I feel anything when I am so worried about whether my feelings are right? It's a lose situation in that scenario. How much easier is it to relax when it doesn't MATTER whether my feelings are right or wrong? Oh man, that is such a relief! Thanks so much God for putting my dad's wisdom into my life right when I needed it!

OK, I think that I have said all that I needed to on that subject now, so... SWITCH! Football. We are actually starting to look like a good team now! Today at practice the defense was stopping every single play that the scout offense threw at them, and they were compared to last years crazy defense of Ryan Kasowski and Co. That is a REALLY good sign! I am having a blast still, and I am excited for the game on Friday.

Well, I know that it helped me A LOT to write all of this down, so I hope that you guys were able to get something out of it too. Keep shining for Jesus guys, and don't forget to just be yourselves! I think that far too often we try SO hard to be what we feel others want us to be, and all God wants is us as we are. It's kinda refreshing to look at it that way... I love you guys!